Grumpy Old Dan Smith

Holiday Specials This season Hallmark will present at least twenty Christmas movies with titles ranging from Christmas She Wrote to Never Kiss a Man in a Christmas Sweater—let’s face it, it’s tough coming up with original Christmas movie titles. And how about the rejected titles: Christmas in Solitary Confinement;  Rudolph the Red Nosed Uncle; Bells are Ringing in my Head.  Sure, these titles were rejected but at the pace of twenty movies per Christmas, we figure Hallmark will get around […]

I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what make me grumpy: cheerful people. That’s right, cheerful people. If you’re one of these cheerful people I want to thank you for offering a bit of light in dark times. But what about those of us who like dark times? Can’t we wallow in the mud of negativity? Can’t we shoot whatever good idea you may have with our arrows of doom? If cheerful people had their way […]

TV weather people. This comes from fellow Grump Doug Moe. As Doug put it: When did weather people decide they needed to be life coaches. We couldn’t agree more. Time was when weather people on TV just told you what the weather was, what it is and what’s it going to be. Enter media consultants and today, we not only get the temperature, humidity and forecast, we get a checklist: Bring your sunglasses, grab that raincoat, plenty of sunscreen, lots […]

I’m WLHA self-appointed editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Fake fans. Fake fan noise today is what canned laughter was to sitcoms a few years ago. Oh, I get it. You knew it was fake then and you know it’s fake now. All I can figure is that the television producers think we’re complete idiots. Why stop with fake fans? How about fake announcers? Fake refs and dare I say fake computer-generated players? Oh […]

We love rankings. We want to be better than you. We take pride when the we learn that Alabama is fatter than Wisconsin. We’re giddy that our beloved Lions lead the league is bad luck. And we love to learn that California is sicker than Colorado but not as sick as Washington. And how about Iowa: Ranked number one senior SAT scores and corn production. That’s a lot of smart farmers. Rankings are designed just to make us feel better. […]

Clickbait is usually a headline or an image or on the internet designed to hook you into clicking on it. Really important stuff like Thirty surprising things you don’t know about the Beverly Hillbillies. Upon draining Niagara Falls, engineers make horrific discovery. Actors who refused to kiss their co-stars. Click baits come with warnings: Warning: what happens next may shock you. Really, you won’t believe it. The publishers of click bait have one goal: page views. The theory goes that […]

Self-help books are the second most popular genre sold on Amazon. Need to tune up that body and mind? Self-help books to the rescue. Dale Carnegie started it all with How to Win Friends and Influence people in 1936. Carnegie could have called it How to Separate People From their Money While You’re Smiling. Then along came The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People-and no, smoking isn’t one of them. For a great self-help book, you need a great title. […]

Maybe it’s because I’ve had too many birthdays and that’s a good thing. The bad thing is that after, say age forty, your birthday just reminds you that you’re that much closer to not having any more birthdays and that’s a bad thing. Kids can’t wait for their next birthday and why not: they get presents, a cake and a party. Adults get condolences. Maybe when asked our age we should just say the decade. That way, when you’re in […]

Cameo is a web site that claims to deliver personalized messages to you from your favorite celebrities. You pay a fee—which varies from celebrities—You can hire Brett Favre to wish your mother happy birthday for $300. Or how about a celebrity dog named Puggy Smalls bark a shout out to your sister. A celebrity dog? Ten bucks. Would Lassie or Rin Tin Tin sit for less? There are many names you’ll recognize but most you won’t. There are at least […]

Mascots are cute if you’re a little kid. But mascots for millionaire athletes playing for billionaire team owners? Really? We all know about the Phillie Phanatic and the San Diego Chicken. But how do you get excited about Sourdough Sam the mascot for—you guessed it The San Francisco Giants. Stuff the Magic Dragon represents the NBA’s Orlando Magic. Get it? Stuff as in dunk. Screech is a guy in an eagle get up representing the Washington Nationals baseball team. Do […]