Grumpy Old Dan Smith

Maybe it’s because I’ve had too many birthdays and that’s a good thing. The bad thing is that after, say age forty, your birthday just reminds you that you’re that much closer to not having any more birthdays and that’s a bad thing. Kids can’t wait for their next birthday and why not: they get presents, a cake and a party. Adults get condolences. Maybe when asked our age we should just say the decade. That way, when you’re in […]

Cameo is a web site that claims to deliver personalized messages to you from your favorite celebrities. You pay a fee—which varies from celebrities—You can hire Brett Favre to wish your mother happy birthday for $300. Or how about a celebrity dog named Puggy Smalls bark a shout out to your sister. A celebrity dog? Ten bucks. Would Lassie or Rin Tin Tin sit for less? There are many names you’ll recognize but most you won’t. There are at least […]

Mascots are cute if you’re a little kid. But mascots for millionaire athletes playing for billionaire team owners? Really? We all know about the Phillie Phanatic and the San Diego Chicken. But how do you get excited about Sourdough Sam the mascot for—you guessed it The San Francisco Giants. Stuff the Magic Dragon represents the NBA’s Orlando Magic. Get it? Stuff as in dunk. Screech is a guy in an eagle get up representing the Washington Nationals baseball team. Do […]

Warning Labels I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Warning labels. Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for warning labels that protect me and my fellow sapiens but sometimes warning labels are just plain silly and assume we that have IQs of a rock. Here are a few. A label on a baby stroller warning you to remove your child before folding and shoving it in the minivan. A label on a […]

The exclamation point is arguably the most overused punctuation mark in the English language. Dust off your nearest style book and look it up. The Associated Press calls them emphatic expressions to be used to express a high degree of surprise, incredulity or other strong emotion. I get surprised and incredulous from time to time as much as the next English major and I’ll admit to using the exclamation point when I’m really upset. But when someone uses them all […]

This is self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Medicine cabinets. The medicine cabinet has become, like the junk drawer, one of those places in your home to put stuff that doesn’t fit anywhere else. I have three different sizes of razor blades in mine, even though I have a beard. Piled on the razor blades are thin bars of soaps from hotels because if I’m paying that much for a room, I’m […]

This is self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy. Bumper Stickers. Since when did the rear bumper of a Toyota Prius become a forum for democracy? If you want to brag about your kid who just made the Memorial High School honor roll, I’m all for it. But please save your opinions about how the world is ending and why it’s my fault.  Or maybe try a more appropriate forum like the Oyster […]

I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: newspaper deliveries. This comes from one of our grumpier listeners and—believe me—I need all the help we can get. This listener delivered newspapers on his bike every day after school and made a nice living for a 12-year still crashing with his parents. He delivered the paper right to your porch and if it was raining, he put the paper between the screen door and […]

I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Facebook. We all know, because we’ve seen the movie, that some Harvard students started Facebook as a way to rate co-eds. Classy. They called it Facesmash…then the Facebook…and today Facebook, who’s surviving founder now has enough money to buy Harvard. Today what used to a college thing is even a grandma and grandpa thing. Instead of rating Harvard co-eds you can now see just about every photo […]

This is WLHA self-appointed editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Competitive lawn care. We all look forward to warm weather here in the Deep North. But why does nice warm weather turn us into landscape architects? Aren’t we supposed to be playing golf, floating our boats and hiking in the woods? Instead I see my neighbors behaving like share-croppers growing grass, cutting grass, putting stuff on grass so it keeps growing and you keep […]