Grumpy Old Dan Smith

TV weather people. This comes from fellow Grump Doug Moe. As Doug put it: When did weather people decide they needed to be life coaches. We couldn’t agree more. Time was when weather people on TV just told you what the weather was, what it is and what’s it going to be. Enter media consultants and today, we not only get the temperature, humidity and forecast, we get a checklist: Bring your sunglasses, grab that raincoat, plenty of sunscreen, lots of water, don’t stare at the sun, check that survival […]

I’m WLHA self-appointed editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Fake fans. Fake fan noise today is what canned laughter was to sitcoms a few years ago. Oh, I get it. You knew it was fake then and you know it’s fake now. All I can figure is that the television producers think we’re complete idiots. Why stop with fake fans? How about fake announcers? Fake refs and dare I say fake computer-generated players? Oh wait, we have that. They’re called video games. Sports offers […]

We love rankings. We want to be better than you. We take pride when the we learn that Alabama is fatter than Wisconsin. We’re giddy that our beloved Lions lead the league is bad luck. And we love to learn that California is sicker than Colorado but not as sick as Washington. And how about Iowa: Ranked number one senior SAT scores and corn production. That’s a lot of smart farmers. Rankings are designed just to make us feel better. No matter where you rank, there’s always someone ranked lower […]

Clickbait is usually a headline or an image or on the internet designed to hook you into clicking on it. Really important stuff like Thirty surprising things you don’t know about the Beverly Hillbillies. Upon draining Niagara Falls, engineers make horrific discovery. Actors who refused to kiss their co-stars. Click baits come with warnings: Warning: what happens next may shock you. Really, you won’t believe it. The publishers of click bait have one goal: page views. The theory goes that the more clicks you get, the more publishers can charge […]

Self-help books are the second most popular genre sold on Amazon. Need to tune up that body and mind? Self-help books to the rescue. Dale Carnegie started it all with How to Win Friends and Influence people in 1936. Carnegie could have called it How to Separate People From their Money While You’re Smiling. Then along came The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People-and no, smoking isn’t one of them. For a great self-help book, you need a great title. Here are a few and yes, they are all real: […]

Maybe it’s because I’ve had too many birthdays and that’s a good thing. The bad thing is that after, say age forty, your birthday just reminds you that you’re that much closer to not having any more birthdays and that’s a bad thing. Kids can’t wait for their next birthday and why not: they get presents, a cake and a party. Adults get condolences. Maybe when asked our age we should just say the decade. That way, when you’re in your fifties you could be 51 or 59—In your fifties […]

Cameo is a web site that claims to deliver personalized messages to you from your favorite celebrities. You pay a fee—which varies from celebrities—You can hire Brett Favre to wish your mother happy birthday for $300. Or how about a celebrity dog named Puggy Smalls bark a shout out to your sister. A celebrity dog? Ten bucks. Would Lassie or Rin Tin Tin sit for less? There are many names you’ll recognize but most you won’t. There are at least two Donald Trump impersonators and at least one Jayne Mansfield—who’s […]

Mascots are cute if you’re a little kid. But mascots for millionaire athletes playing for billionaire team owners? Really? We all know about the Phillie Phanatic and the San Diego Chicken. But how do you get excited about Sourdough Sam the mascot for—you guessed it The San Francisco Giants. Stuff the Magic Dragon represents the NBA’s Orlando Magic. Get it? Stuff as in dunk. Screech is a guy in an eagle get up representing the Washington Nationals baseball team. Do people screech in DC? I’ve seen it on the news. […]

Warning Labels I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Warning labels. Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for warning labels that protect me and my fellow sapiens but sometimes warning labels are just plain silly and assume we that have IQs of a rock. Here are a few. A label on a baby stroller warning you to remove your child before folding and shoving it in the minivan. A label on a take-out coffee cup warning you not to pour the hot […]

The exclamation point is arguably the most overused punctuation mark in the English language. Dust off your nearest style book and look it up. The Associated Press calls them emphatic expressions to be used to express a high degree of surprise, incredulity or other strong emotion. I get surprised and incredulous from time to time as much as the next English major and I’ll admit to using the exclamation point when I’m really upset. But when someone uses them all the time, like after a simple thank you, are they […]

This is self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Medicine cabinets. The medicine cabinet has become, like the junk drawer, one of those places in your home to put stuff that doesn’t fit anywhere else. I have three different sizes of razor blades in mine, even though I have a beard. Piled on the razor blades are thin bars of soaps from hotels because if I’m paying that much for a room, I’m taking the soap, shampoo and shower cap. I have four […]

This is self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy. Bumper Stickers. Since when did the rear bumper of a Toyota Prius become a forum for democracy? If you want to brag about your kid who just made the Memorial High School honor roll, I’m all for it. But please save your opinions about how the world is ending and why it’s my fault.  Or maybe try a more appropriate forum like the Oyster bar on the corner. And I really don’t care who […]

I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: newspaper deliveries. This comes from one of our grumpier listeners and—believe me—I need all the help we can get. This listener delivered newspapers on his bike every day after school and made a nice living for a 12-year still crashing with his parents. He delivered the paper right to your porch and if it was raining, he put the paper between the screen door and the front door. Fast forward fifty years. Today’s newspapers are […]

I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Facebook. We all know, because we’ve seen the movie, that some Harvard students started Facebook as a way to rate co-eds. Classy. They called it Facesmash…then the Facebook…and today Facebook, who’s surviving founder now has enough money to buy Harvard. Today what used to a college thing is even a grandma and grandpa thing. Instead of rating Harvard co-eds you can now see just about every photo and read just about every thought of someone—even if you […]

This is WLHA self-appointed editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Competitive lawn care. We all look forward to warm weather here in the Deep North. But why does nice warm weather turn us into landscape architects? Aren’t we supposed to be playing golf, floating our boats and hiking in the woods? Instead I see my neighbors behaving like share-croppers growing grass, cutting grass, putting stuff on grass so it keeps growing and you keep mowing and the dogs keep doing what they do on […]

I’m WLHA self-appointed editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Pundits. What’s a pundit? Way before cable news, pundits were respected teachers and leaders. Today, pundits are the people who get to the megaphone first.  Pundits and news organizations go together like peanut butter and jelly. They need each other. Social media has allowed pretty much anyone to become a pundit. Now along with Sean Hannity, Al Sharpton and the president, you can see and hear the opinions of people you probably wouldn’t talk to […]

Not sure what but this kiosk says something about the information age. I’m not that smart to know exactly what. Maybe it’s just that sometimes I feel like a crowded kiosk held together by staples. There’s gotta be a Grateful Dead poster deep in there somewhere.

As we get closer to November, we’re going to hear them on the radio, TV, social media, robo calls, the newspaper and on and on and on. This must work. Otherwise, why would people spend so much money producing them. Maybe instead slick, Hollywood produced TV ads we make candidates use only crayons and constructions paper. But here’s what concerns political advertisers the most: It’s estimated that almost half of us, 50%, ignore them in what’s become known as marketing blindness. Even those that “see” the ads don’t remember the […]

Try this nose mask to amuse people (except my wife, who thinks I’ll get arrested). Just shove a rag in your mouth and you should be as safe as a vice-president at a photo-op.

I’m WLHA’s self-appointed editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy: Quarantined celebrities. They were bad enough in the good old days but in the quarantined days they’re even more annoying. Do you really want to watch Justin Bieber romp around his house in a onesie? Or how a peek into Selena Gomez’s bathroom? Or maybe watch Pink cut her own hair while she’s drunk? This is the new normal? Don’t you long for the pre-Covid days when celebrities just wrapped their Jaguars around palm trees. […]