Grumpy Old Dan Smith

What a dumb game. Golf was invented by the Scotts and given to the Irish as a joke. The Irish don’t think it’s funny—but they still play the silly game. Golf is a game you should play if you’re looking for humility. If you want perfection, look for another hobby. If you want the humiliation of hitting your ball in the water, the embarrassment of burying it in a sand trap or the shame of losing your life savings by missing a two-foot putt on 18 (that didn’t really happen, […]

Glad to see Costco allows carts…they help people who otherwise could not shop there. Now how about the golf courses allowing carts? Otherwise I won’t be able to humiliate myself playing this stupid game.

Great news that the golf courses will open later next week here in Wisconsin. Those that decide these things should really consider golf carts as well. One of the great things about this stupid game is you can punish yourself well into your 80’s (as my friend John is doing here with the deer) if you can use a cart. I’ll take one good reason for not allowing carts. I may be able to do without a beer cart for a short time…but you should let us ride. I’ll bring […]

Here’s what makes me grumpy. People who know what’s good for you and you know exactly who I’m talking about. People who correct your language—like we were born knowing the difference between farther and further. People with unsolicited health information: “You need to add turmeric to your frosted flakes.” People who can fix your golf game: “Remember when putting, keep the ball close to the ground?” I have a theory that if we all did what we’ve been told throughout our lives it would be a pretty perfect place—so why […]

On any other April 15th, the kitchen table would house piles of paper sorted in a way only one person on earth knows. Piles of forms, receipts and other documentation to prove to the federal government that we dutifully pay our taxes. On any other April 15th, I’d be grumpier than the president’s hair on a windy day (is that why he sometimes wears those goofy hats?). But not this April 15th as the government has extended the tax deadline for three months from now. So I’m treating today like […]

Online customer service has become as much of our lives as lawn care and parking—you know really important time-sucking stuff. But here’s what makes me grumpy. The recorded voice on the other end says, “While customer service is very important to us, all our operators are assisting other customers.” Translation? We’re too cheap to hire enough employees to do what we say we’re going to do. Why not come clean: “Hey sorry but we cant take your call for a variety of reasons, the IT guy’s sick, my brother-in-law is […]

There was a time not that long ago when people actually talked on the telephone. When I was a kid the entire neighborhood would buzz if someone got a long distance phone call—so what if someone probably died—it was a big deal. Along came the answering machine and all of a sudden you didn’t have to talk to your mother right then and there. What a great invention. Today, robo calls drive people further and further away from talking on the phone and as far as I can tell smart […]

Hello I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy…News reporters who insist on telling me how to live my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a few tips about where to get this or that done…but do I really need tips on how to drive on icy roads from someone who got their license a week ago? Should I listen to advice about what to eat from someone who chugs an energy drink for breakfast while texting his or her others for advice? […]

The internet is the largest playground for robbers, crooks, and pirates. I’ve regularly get extortion emails…worded exactly the same that say unless I send them money—or bit coins that I don’t have laying around in the sofa cushions—they are going to release video of me doing something perverted. I don’t do my perverted stuff on my web cam. Or how about the invitations from some exotic woman from a distant land who needs my help—or more precisely my bit coins. Or the lottery I won in Mumbai as long as […]

I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy. Journalists have a love affair with lists…five things you should know…five things you should do…five ways to avoid your in-laws…Here’s my list about what you need to know about—lists. Write your list on paper…you’ll lose it and trust me you’ll feel better. Don’t you need to know something before you start you list with: “five things you should know about…” If we did everything on the list we’d be perfect and we’re not even close. […]

I’m self-appointed WLHA editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy. If you’ve lived in the same place for a while chances are you have at least one junk drawer. It’s that miscellaneous space where all the stuff that you’ll never use lives. A ball of twine, a few tubes of old glue, dead batteries in all denominations, the 49 card deck of cards for which no game exists. At my house I can count at least six such drawers. My cousin has an entire junk […]

Here’s what makes me grumpy. People who say, “have a nice day.”  Sometimes they substitute “great,” “good,” “blessed” for nice or how about the similar “have a good one.” Have a good one what? When someone admonishes me to have a nice day it puts a lot of pressure on me. Take today for example. My only real duty today was to go to the post office. My visit started with a long line where, I swear, everyone was applying for a passport and spoke about five words of English. […]

Here’s what makes me grumpy: People who criticize someone for dozing off.  Face it: We sapiens doze. We senior sapiens can doze anywhere: family gatherings, church, in the middle of a conversation—but is dozing bad? Of course not. Do what I do: Change what others may call dozing to something that sounds like it’s good for you. Mindful meditation, power napping, energy boost. Let’s face it, you feel better after a doze. So you missed out on some pretty boring stuff, you’re refreshed. So the next time one of your […]

Celebrity This is WLHA’s self-appointed editorial director Grumpy Old Dan Smith and here’s what makes me grumpy. Celebrities. There are celebrities that deserve our attention for the extraordinary things they do. And there are celebrities who just decide to be celebrities—kind of like modern presidential candidates. Get a look, a web site and an attitude and boom: you’re an instant celebrity. You may at some point get asked to do something we can actually celebrate—like catch a ball, run for president or appear in an adult film but don’t worry—we’ve […]

I’m excited to join the staff at WLHA, the Big 64, internet radio station as their self-appointed editorial director (you can appoint yourself if you know the owners). WLHA used to be a University of Wisconsin student radio station. It’s since been revived by alumni of the station, who seem to have too much time and their hands. The music is great and sometimes the humor is even funny. It’s easy to find at your favorite app store or check out the web site here. So let’s have some fun […]